There’s something about this that is hitting me extra hard. Not even because I was an especially rabid fan of hers. I just… liked her. With idolization comes a sense that the epic tale must come to an end, that all heroes must one day go to Valhalla. People you like aren’t supposed to die though. They’re just supposed to keep existing, forever, periodically turning up to make this moment of your life extra happy. I liked Carrie Fisher, because she was talented and funny. Because she brought Princess Leia to life and when I was a pre-transition kid it was really great to see a woman in an action movie who DID things. Because by all accounts, in her real life, she was a genuinely sweet and lovely person.
And it’s also sad because, this year, she’s not just a person who died, she’s another person who died. In a way, I feel like her death, so tragic and so close to the end of this year, comes with the echoes of everyone else we lost who I couldn’t quite mourn, because something else was happening. Leonard Cohen died, and even though he was one of my favorite singers of all time, I couldn’t process it, because my nation had just accidentally elected a sociopathic imbecile on a fucking technicality. I mean, Jesus. Pterry and Leonard and now Carrie.
We keep talking about 2016 as this kind of cursed year, and there’s a strange comfort to that; curses are, at least, under someone’s control. Not a good person’s control, but somebody’s. If someone is to blame than someone can be stopped. If it’s just random bad shit, who knows when it’s going to end. We’d all been counting our costs and gearing up to mourn together in a way that suggested things were finally blowing over, and now Carrie.
This isn’t how it’s going to be forever. For all the cold comfort materialism and statistics sometimes seem to bring, the truth is that they still say this will end. Wild bell curves still regress to a mean. Things die and are born and grow and die again. There are winters and summers and springs.
Still, if by any chance I’m wrong about this whole materialistic skeptical godless thing, then I’m really fucking positive Carrie Fisher went straight to the good place.
Thanks for being you. It was really cool to have you while you were here.