This has been one of the hardest episodes to review. I loved this episode as a kid. It was one of my favorite go to repeats. I knew from the day I started this project that I wanted to review it. But when I put it in as an adult, my opinions on it kept changing. First I was shocked by how bland and boring it was. Then I was angry at how simplistic it was, and noticed a lot of the toxic dynamics that were bothering me about other AIO episodes. Then I felt sympathetic to some aspects of the messages that I thought were aiming for something good, but definitely did not reach their target. In the end, this had to go with the meta-moralizing episodes. What is interesting here isn’t the story or the message itself, but the flaws in how they present the message, and how that ties into AIO’s approach as a whole.
Anyway, this episode opens with Robyn Jacobs talking to Connie. She is bummed about some recent events, and Connie is playing sympathetic bartender therapist. But with hot chocolate, obviously. Robyn opens the story with cheerleader tryouts. She isn’t actually that interested in cheerleading, but she wants to hang out with the cool kids. Connie nods knowingly and says that she once joined a drama club for the same reason.
Afterward the auditions, two cheerleaders, Michelle and Shannon, complimented her on her performance, but told her that being good isn’t enough. Robyn assumes they are talking about showing up for practice. But really, they are talking about the importance of being cool. If you aren’t cool, you don’t fit in with the cool kids, and that’s not cool.
Cause, you know, subtlety.
Then, out of the blue, Shannon invites her to a party. Robyn says she will come, but also asks her Mom to be sure. Her Mom is okay with it, but she insists on making Robyn ask if Shannon’s parents will be there to chaperone the party. She uses that word repeatedly, “chaperone,” and makes it clear that without a chaperone, Robyn can’t go.
Shannon translates the word “chaperone” as “babysitter.” Which is not strictly accurate. Babysitters watch people who can’t be trusted to make their own decisions because they are extremely young. Chaperones watch people who can’t be trusted to make their own decisions because they are extremely female and unmarried.
Given that these characters seem to be about 15, I’ll let you debate in the comments which word is more appropriate. I’m genuinely undecided. For me, that age is just on the edge where I would understand both the decision to cut loose and let your kids make mistakes, and the decision to still keep an eye on them. But I do think the word choice says a lot about where AIO is coming from. Their fears are not just about safety, but corruption. They are less afraid that fifteen year olds will accidentally burn the house down, more afraid that fifteen year olds will have consensual sex with other fifteen year olds.
Shannon tells Robyn if her Mom needs to hear that there will be chaperones, then she should tell her Mom that the party would be chaperoned. Robyn completely misses the fact that Shannon never actually says her parents will be there.
There is a whole other bit of dialog between Robyn and her Mom about the importance of chaperoning, but it’s sort of hard to summarize… or rather, it’s too easy to summarize. Mrs. Jacobs wants chaperones, because chaperones are important. So important that we will say the word until it does not sound like a word anymore. Chaperone. Chaperone. Chaperone. Make sure your wild teen party has one. They specifically create a space where Robyn’s Mom could be more specific about her concerns, and they are intentionally vague. I took a dig at the old fashioned implications of the word choice, but I do think there’s something deeper behind it. Robyn, Shannon and Michelle seem to be around fifteen. I’ve known fifteen year olds who didn’t need a babysitter and fifteen year olds who definitely did. But Robyn has pretty good judgment most of the time. This isn’t about fear that Robyn might burn the house down, or even that she might not have the sense to get out of the house if someone else sets it on fire. It’s about the possibility that this will be the kind of party where fifteen year olds have consensual sex with other fifteen year olds.
But of course, they can’t discuss that openly. That would mean mentioning the existence of sex. So they just say chaperone an absurd amount of times. Chaperone. Chaperone. Chaperone. Chaperone.
Anyway, Shannon and Michelle let Robyn hang out with them for the better part of a week. Mostly this is awesome, but once Robyn turns down a movie date because she goes to church every Wednesday night. Wednesday night services are a common part of AIO core cast life. They mostly come up to either A. induce mockery from non-Christian side characters, so as to remind us all of how persecuted Christians are, or B. allow a major Christian character to skip those services, therefore indicating that they are heading down a Slippery Slope (TM), without making them do something so shocking as skipping church on Sunday. Anyway, this is the former case, although Robyn notes that they find it weird more than actively mock it.
My perspective on this when I was a kid; “Wow, what complex characters! Even though they are evil cool kids, they aren’t actually picking on Robyn, and are giving her a chance to keep hanging out with the group. They aren’t rejecting her out of hand like so many non-Christians would. How interesting!”
My perspective on this now; “Wow, these characters behaved like actual non-Christians do, for like an entire three seconds.”
But then that realism is smashed when Michelle takes Robyn aside for a talk later. She delivers a sinister speech about how she used to go to church twice a week, but when she joined the cheerleading squad, she stopped. Not because she disliked it, but because Shannon has some weird, creepy influence on you, where without her directly teasing, you just stop wanting to do Jesus stuff. The final message is that Robyn needs to think about her cheerleading priorities, and how she will come across at the party.
I hate that. I hate that so much. Like, I think they were aiming for Regina George in Shannon’s characterization, but somehow they landed on the hypnotoad.
The day of the party they all talk about their plans, and Shannon brings up fitting in again. Once she has convinced Robyn to dress up, so as to really impress everybody, she casually mentions how she has enough time to fix any damage before their parents come back from out of town.
Wha-a-a-a? Her parents are out of town? Who could have possibly seen that coming?
Robyn refuses to defy her parents and go without a parental chaperone. Shannon promptly drops the invitation, and announces that Robyn absolutely cannot be a cheerleader because she isn’t cool enough.
And that’s why Robyn is so upset. Connie commiserates, and tells her how in the drama club, she was forced to play “raunchy” characters. Only those characters, nothing else. Connie played along for a while, despite feeling like it was wrong, and then one day she quit. This lost her all of her cool friends, and everything was sad, but then she had some personal revelation about the value of being herself. This bit also makes me very mad. I’m fine with Connie not wanting to play “raunchy” characters, whatever that means. Any drama club that pressures you into only playing characters you are deeply uncomfortable with is a shit club. What makes me angry is that, growing up, I thought this was realistic. It’s not. Most non-Christians don’t go out of their way to make Christians uncomfortable. I actually joined several acting clubs and classes. None of them pressured any students into taking roles they felt wrong about. One even let me tweak some dialog that I thought was mildly blasphemous. The “evil corrupting non-Christians” portrayal honestly fed into my anxiety, for no reason at all.
As I said earlier, most of these meta-moralizing episodes don’t have bad morals. I think it’s fine, for example, for Moms to decide they want their fifteen year old daughters to not be partying with college boys, for fifteen year old daughters to decide a trusting relationship with their mother is more important than the popular crowd, or for anybody to decide they aren’t comfortable stepping into a particular role, theatrical or social. I genuinely applaud Connie and Robyn for taking a path that felt harder, but was more true to their values. This episode is well titled; that took courage.
What I don’t like is the simplicity of the moral battle. This is all or nothing. It also feels like Shannon’s specific endgame was to separate Robyn from her beliefs, just as it seems implied that the drama club had a vested interest in making Connie feel immodest. It ties into a narrative, common to Evangelical circles, that the secular world is devoted to tearing them down… mostly people are actually pretty chill, so long as you aren’t constantly talking down to them.
This ties into the second part of Connie’s speech. She talks about how everything can seem important in the moment, but moments pass. Decisions have larger implications than just how they make us feel right now. Again, I’m all on board with that, as far as it goes, but then she starts talking about heaven and hell. She literally says that, for Christians, the present moment has implications for all of eternity. In other words, Robyn’s decision to quit the cheerleading squad is the kind of thing that can ultimately affect who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.
That’s a ridiculously heavy perspective to take. And in some ways, I think there is something a little beautiful in it; the idea of small actions having rippling consequences for good. That’s how I took it as a kid, and I think that’s a lot of why I liked this episode so much. I used it to tell myself that by not watching a movie or using a swearword or wearing low cut clothing, I was making a difference in who was going to heaven and who was going to hell. Not just for myself, but potentially witnessing to someone who was hellbound, or weakening the influence of Satan on earth. I’m not exaggerating when I say most of my childhood was spent in a mentality where swearing to not ever drink or party meant I was Frodo dragging the ring to Mordor, or the Pevensies battling the White Witch. I’d add in Harry Potter standing up to Voldemort, but you know, not reading Harry Potter was one of things I did, as a good Christian.
I don’t know how to adequately convey how exhausting that pressure becomes. The fear that an immodest dress and a dance to a raunchy song might make you the Edmund Pevensie or the Boromir of eternity’s story. The idea that an impure thought might make you a weak link in the epic of the cosmos.
The creation of that pressure is not an unintentional side effect of some poorly chosen words. It is the intentional aim of this story.
The story ends when next week Michelle says she was inspired by Robyn, and decided not to go to the party either. As it turned out, Shannon’s brother from college showed up and things got “out of hand.” Neighbors called the police about the noise and everybody who went got in trouble. Michelle says she wants to hang out more with Robyn, and Robyn invites her to church. This is the confirmation of Connie’s message; Robyn’s choices created ripples that might now mean Michelle won’t go to hell.
Best Part: The one real attempt at a joke in this episode is when Mrs. Jacobs is distracted from the party conversation by an absurd amount of scratches on her coffee table. She asks whether people have been using sandpaper as coasters or tap dancing on it with cleats. It’s…. kind of funny? Like I said, really bland episode.
Worst Part: This episode has so little content, it actually ends with clips from three other episodes where characters stood up for their beliefs. Yeah, it ends with a fucking clip show. They aren’t even short clips. It’s about an eighteen minute episode with three minutes of clip. For people so convinced they are making a difference in eternity, they are real goddamn lazy.
Story Rating: Unless you completely buy into Shannon as an agent of the devil and Robyn’s decision as steps on the road to hell, it is completely boring and predictable. C-
Moral Rating: The idea of being true to your values instead of blindly following others is great, but again, the whole context means this idea is under-explored. It is focused on pushing a simplified look at non-Christians, as well as enforcing its own kind of conformity, rather than really helping kids make authentic decisions. D-